A Thought in the Dark

Half way through the day, the entire school went from the lunch block to the next class. The hallways were full of teens itching to be done with the school year. It seemed louder than usual and I quickly grabbed my Spanish books and hustled to class. In the classroom, the noise level was still higher than normal and the teacher, Mrs. Simon, was distracted with an important-looking phone call. I grabbed a seat on a sides of the classroom that I always sat in. As I plopped myself into my chair/desk combo, I saw a familiar long braid sitting in front of me, one row to the left. How had I forgotten that this was the class we had together? Possibly because we had to use chosen "Spanish" names and not our real names for the entire class. I only knew her as Maria Muchado Esperanza. But now she was also Katie. The class noise drones on and I see Katie start to turn around in her seat. My stomach drops like I just went down a 100-foot rollercoaster as I see her eyes scan the room unti...

"Hazy! Time to go!" Mom yells from the top of the stairs. I slowly roll over in my twin bed and look up at my basement room ceiling, painted with colorful designs and scenes. I take a deep breath and remember that today in school we have to submit our science fair projects. Fuck. It's okay, I like this project and that's all that matters, right? I spring out of bed and change into my favorite pair of baggy jeans. It's 1996 and I'm in my last quarter of 8th grade. The summer couldn't come soon enough but for now, I was actually a little bit excited about my science fair project. The question that drove my project was, "What is the Hottest Part of a Flame?". I hypothesized that the blue base of the flame would be the hottest. I sat patiently at my family's kitchen table with lots of scrap paper, matches, candles and my scientific journal notebook that I had to turn in with my project. I tested my hypothesis by basically burning a lot of paper a...

It was easy to see why Jaime was someone that everyone wanted to know.  From her tall, dark and handsome/feminine features to her authentic-to-a-fault personality, Jaime had a magnetism to her that drew people into her orbit. I was one of those spinning satellites, flying around her magnificent presence and just wanting to be closer. But it was years from the first time I ever saw Jaime until the time I finally spoke to her.  Jaime was what some people called a "one-miler", meaning you could tell she's a lesbian from a mile away. She hated that. Jaime never thought about her appearance like that, as telling, it was just who she was. She didn't identify as butch, femme, gender-queer or use they/them pronouns, despite what most people assumed. If asked, Jaime described herself as an athletic tomboy, which honestly, summed her up pretty well. But to use just two words to describe the love of my life would be a travesty. So, I'll start at the beginning. So far back in...